Depression, exhaustion and overstimulation.

Depression. Although I've struggled with depression for decades, I always wonder what if? What if my Mom didn't die when I was 10? What if my next 5 years weren't spent worrying about my fathers health? What if someone let me grieve? Then would I have spent these last decades battling this bitch? I'm so tired of being sad. Seems like as life goes on, I just see her void in my life more clearly. I'm missing out once again, and nobody is trying to help...once again. Exhaustion. My son is 2. He is the most amazing little person I've ever met. He is so smart and he's totally adorable. His eyes are blue with a yellow sunburst and just encompassing at sunset. He is a funny kid, he's hot his Dad's goofball sense of humor and he does not sleep. Since he was born he's been alert. Looking. Judging. He always wants to know what's going on and he requires much less sleep than I've ever wanted. I'm tired!! Overstimulated. It's the dogs. I love them but I do not want to hear them lick all day long, or bark or follow me so closely that their paws often end up IN my shoes. I just want quiet and peace and stability. Being a Mama and wife and nanny and friend, sister daughter niece and doula. It's not so easy. I'm doing my best but I'm kinda thinking I'm about to lose my mind.